Then the conference ends. I am left with a few realities and the thoughts start. Reality number one, I have never written a documentary which is certainly true. It is a demanding and difficult form of writing in which I have no experience. I also have no abilities or skills in movie making. Another fact is that I have little education or training in science. In short I have no qualifications to embark on a project such as this.
Then come the thoughts. You do not have the ability to such a thing. You are such an arrogant person to think you can tell thousands of intelligent, learned people why they are all wrong. It will take so much time and effort to do that kind of research. You will never be able to complete it. The Spirit isn't telling you to do this. It is just you and your own hubris. I tend to vacillate for the next few weeks on whether or not I should try to attempt this undertaking. Then I just kind of forget about and stop thinking about it. Until the next conference that is.
Now as conference started again so did the refrain of my thoughts. I know I should do something about the inspiration I am getting, but will I? I always tell myself that I will start it when the time is right. Will the time ever be right, or will I have to make the time right? I need to do something about it this time. I have not done anything about it for to long.
If there is anyone out there with history researching skills, scientific know how or abilities in the makings of a movie who would like to help me in any way, please let me know. If all you can do is remind me and nag me to do what is right please do that. I know I need it.
If we want to get more inspiration, we must act on what we get, right?
I have been asking the wrong question for too long. I have been asking, "Why me, Lord?" I should have been simply asking, "How will I accomplish this Lord?" Notice I used the word will and not can. He will accomplish whatever He wills through me if I exert the agency and follow his guidance. I just don't know what it is that He is calling me to do. Perhaps it is to make a documentary and have thousands of people watch it. Or maybe it is just to attempt to do the research to change and effect me. I have no idea what the Lord's plans for me are yet, but whatever His purposes are He will accomplish them if I chose to let Him work in my life. But it is all my choice. After all, He never forces us to do anything even receive blessings.
Now I just have to formulate some sort of plan. I will report back in future when I have more to report. I am so blind right now. I just know I have to something. Something more than I have done up to this point.