Unremembered
For Timothy
I feel the hugs we never shared,
The shadow of your hand in mine,
Empty arms that never held you
Still know your form and every line.
In noisy crowds and empty rooms
I hear each never-uttered cry,
Thrill to each un-resounding laugh,
Echo the age-old, unasked 'why?'
I taste the salt of mother's tears
And mouth the name I ache to speak.
The kisses linger on my lips
That never brushed against your cheek.
I smell the sour-sweet baby breath,
The sweetest, freshest of perfumes.
It clings to clothes you never wore
And lingers in unopened rooms.
I see the eyes that never blinked
To show me hazel, brown or blue.
They dim with fears you never faced
And light with joys you never knew.
"Unremembered" is rather depressing. I started writing it a few years ago. For the longest time I really could almost feel the weight in my arms where he wasn't, and that is what inspired the poem. I know, absolutely know that where he is now there is joy beyond what I can comprehend, and I still miss that feeling of holding him. I knew he was there and I knew when he was gone, long before it was 'official,' before I even got to see the doctor. And how anyone who has felt that can possibly say there is no life at that age, I will never understand.